So I'm 4 pages into the Mommy Bubble pamphlet, and honestly, I'm wondering whether I should start rewriting. I'll be referencing specific parts of the pamphlet text and pics here, so I'll link to the text in a pastebin, and to the pics in an exhentai link.
Okay. So let's get started. The intro is fine, it's just a standard intro, and I don't have any real problem with it. It's going to be 'from' the editor, partially so that I can provide an example of the lionization of jenni, and partially to avoid 'jenni overload'. She'll probably be doing the outro, as well. Again, no problems with the intro.
The first page is where the issues start, and they continue throughout what's been written so far. The problems start right after, 'I started my training early'. Nursing is something that has a very 'loving' connotation, and more importantly, nursing is something that is generally done by babies.
Nursing handjobs are a great fantasy, and something that I use quite often, but we're talking about a boy that is a week old. He's basically a newborn, and very much a baby. Babyfuck is not a fetish that I like, and neither is toddlercon. It's squicky to damn near everyone, and it's squicky to me, too.
That being said, this could be a way to give Jenni a somewhat insidious side, and expand her character. It tells the reader/player just how far she's willing to go, and demands that the reader/player examine their own willingness to follow. It challenges the reader, especially the readers who, on some level, believe this stuff. It's also realistic. Real fempeds are quite blatant about wanting 'sexual education' to be a lifelong, hands on, process. I'm normally all about presenting the reality, but this time, the reality is a little... extreme.
I'm having trouble writing this, and I'm the sort of person who writes /ss/ captions. If it bothers me, /ss/ caption writer and all-around nastyfreak, how will it be received by the overall community? I've posted stories that were intended to challenge the reader before, but it was never like this.
So how can I rewrite the first page? Well, the first challenge is figuring out when is an 'okay' time to start raping little boys. I hope you appreciate the insanity of that last sentence, by the way. But let's think. 8 is when boys are allowed to become acolytes, so the training should probably start before then. By 6th or 7th grade, the 'dream is over', so we should keep that in mind. Developmentally, none of these kids are anywhere near ready for sex, but let's just pretend that they are, for the sake of content production.
So kindergarten is like 5, right? In kindergarten, you learn the alphabet, and the basics of reading, so let's say that the real 'training' starts there. Realistically, it would be pretty difficult to say that the sex class starts after kindergarten, and it would take too many characters to talk about permission slips. I kind of painted myself into a corner with that sex class.
But anyway, that means little to no sexual touching before that. I'll refocus the nursing bits to being about building the bond between mother and child. Lots of head stroking, snuggling, and forehead kisses. He'll more or less just stroke his mom's boobs. I'll basically have to jump to 4 or 5, and have her start stroking and fingering him then. Like a "Later, when he had gotten older, I started to stimulate him as he nursed" sort of thing.
The second page will be a bit easier to rewrite. I just need to change the 4 year old cherry pop age to 5 or 6, and maybe have a couple lines about how she taught him how to jerk off before that. Also, I think I'll change 'lesson on dilation' to 'lesson on foreplay'. Dilation is far too clinical of a word. The rest of it's fine, as far as I'm concerned. I tried to stay vague with the ages while writing this, simply because I didn't want to think too hard about the babyfuck stuff.
The third page starts off with a statement that will make a lot more sense with these changes. Unfortunately, the rest of the page is nothing but babyfuck. So how do I rewrite this? Well, I'm thinking that I won't, really. I'll change 'baby' to 'little love', so people won't be thinking too much about the fact that we're talking about babies, but beyond that, I don't think that I'll change too much else. I'll probably change the 'learned to walk' with 'went to school', just to add some more ambiguity to the exact age. Change the 'softness, and later wetness', to just 'wetness', and maybe add a couple more indicators that the boy isn't actually a baby when this is happening.
So hopefully, with these changes, the pages will come out looking a bit less squicky. I got a little too caught up in realism, here, and forgot that I was writing these for an audience. For my part, these have taken like 4 or 5 days to actually write, because I kept getting squicked out by the content. If anyone's wondering, most of the ideas for this came from the 'sex education' bit in the FAQ of the 'female childlove' site, and the 'indigenous fempeds (ctrl+f "vulva") ' bit of the 'nutritive coitus' essay by "Dr." William Bond. Links below.