Thursday, January 29, 2015

Mommy Bubble Training 1 Retrospective

So, these are the first (rewritten) pages for the Mommy Bubble pamphlet.  I like the way that they came out, so far.  The rewriting process hasn't been too difficult, and the prewriting that I did for it definitely helped.

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The intro is a departure from most of my recent intros, because it's not actually written by Jenni.  I felt that because Jenni was so over-represented in this pamphlet, that she shouldn't be doing the intros and outros.  This also allows me to glorify her in text, here.  Jenni can't say, 'I am the greatest mom ever, be more like me, everyone', but the Editor certainly can.
The text follows a pretty standard intro pattern.  The first 2 paragraphs basically explain what the term 'Mommy Bubble' means, and then we get into a more religious explanation, and then she lionizes Jenni.  The 'Jenni is so cool' stuff really serves as an introduction to the actual content of the guide, so there is a reason for it.  I kind of wish that I'd been able to put Jenni's intro (she's been in the Temple forever) on a separate line, and I probably could have found a synonym to use for 'good intentions', so I wasn't saying it twice. 
Overall, I like the intro.  I feel like it does its job well, and I like that I was able to bring back the editor.  Her character doesn't get nearly enough love from me. 

The first page is a bit of a secondary intro, which I feel was done reasonably well.  I like the way that I formatted the text.
The picture is the first in the set that I used, and I like it, more or less.  My only real problem with it is that the boy, Sei/Aster, looks very young, here.  Exhentai says its not toddlercon, but it feels dangerously close. 
The text here spends the first two paragraphs essentially explaining who Jenni and Aster are.  I like the 'to have and hold, to train and love' line.  I've done a couple of lines with that sort of rhythm to them, and I feel like they come off well.  After the introductions comes the sex, and the two are neatly separated.  I like that I was able to have a nice progression of actions, before jumping to 4 years old.  4 is still way too young, but it's better than what it was, which was like, 16 months or something.  My handjob description probably could have been better.  

The second page starts the strapon stuff, and I don't think it actually ends until the 7th page, and even that's just a short break.  In retrospect, I probably could have picked a pamphlet that was less... strapony, but because I'm 6 pages into this one, there's no fucking way I'm starting over.  Whatever.  Aster's a strapon freak, now.  It's canon.  Deal with it.
I've seen a couple different versions of this picture, some where Jenni/Rinko is shooting milk out of her tits, and at least one where the dildo is brown :I
The text here jumps around a bit, between narrative and guide.  I decided to keep it vague with the ages, although 'right after he was born' isn't particularly vague.  I think listing off numbers and landmarks, like '8 months' or 'before he could speak' does a lot to squick people, though.  Vague is better here.  I think the overall implication is that he mostly watched his mom fuck her girlfriends, and maybe got a blowie or a hando on the side, but overall, was living a relatively normal sexual life, as a toddler.  The sex here is very much 'in between' the guide and narrative styles, but I feel like it flows reasonably well.  A block of one or the other is always nice, but this is okay.  At the very least, I'm not rewriting it.

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I hope you guys dig this so far.  It's a little out there, but I think from here on out, since I'm so 'in the home stretch' with these, they're going to be pretty weird.  The storybook ideas that I've got are particularly odd, and I'll either sit down and prewrite the first one tonight, or tomorrow, depending on how I feel.  I came home from work and zonked right the fuck out, so I'm pretty awake right now.  Also, never try to make hummus without a food processor.  It's really fucking difficult, and it takes damn near forever.  I don't know how the ninjas have been doing it for all these years, they must have been fucking ripped.  Maybe they just spent all day on it.  Or, more likely, I was trying to make too much at one time. 

So, same schedule, same everything.  Next up is the BDSM block for the Timid Boys pamphlet.  It's pretty light BDSM.  Hell, these pics are probably more hardcore than the ones I'll be putting out for the next TiBo block.  You'll see what I mean.  After that, if I've got something to release for the storybooks, I'll release it, but if I don't, I'll release Mommy Bubble Training 2.  I'm thinking that I'll have some storybook stuff, though. 

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