Monday, March 23, 2015

Mommy Bubble Betrothal Retrospective

This one was actually particularly difficult to write.  Not so much because of the content, but because there was so much to cover.  I had to introduce the two lovebirds. I had to explain what Lilian marriage actually is.  I also had to tie it all in somehow with the pictures, and I had to do it all in 5000 characters or less.
I won't delude myself into thinking that I did a perfect job, here, but I don't think that I did a bad enough job that I need a full or even partial rewrite, like I did with the first few pages.  Feel free to comment, though.  It really does help me to grow as a writer.


The first page features a different picture than usual.  I was originally going to use the regular Jenni picture, but then I noticed that I'd written "Primrose here", so I kind of had to either rewrite, or put a picture of Primrose in the scene.  Since China/Sei/Rinko pictures are a dime a dozen, I decided to use one. I wish that it had more transparency in the background, and in retrospect, maybe I should have used the fill tool a bit more, but whatever.
The text here is what's really important.  I thought it was quite interesting to put in some of the Lilian ideas on 'stages of childhood'.  They essentially consider boys to be 'too grown up' at 13, so naturally, they'd come up with little dividers to decide when the right time for sex is.  Before 4, I imagine, would be a bit much, but remember, it's all over by 13, so they'd want to maximize the amount of time they spend indoctrinating the boys.
Well, that's enough about that.  Suffice to say, I thought it was neat to think about how they would divide up childhood. 
After the explanation of the 'stages of boyhood', Jenni tells the story of Aster and Primrose, which is essentially designed to explain, to the reader, who these characters are (in my story), and what the significance of their fucking is.  I could have done this over time, but I felt like it would be better to just tell the entire story in one shot, and then be able to reference it, and possibly expand it, later.  It only ends up being a couple of paragraphs, so it's fine, I think.
After I explain the characters, I go back to the guide content, which is basically just normal guide content, nothing really to say about it.

The second page starts the sex stories again, and instead of Rinko/Sei, it's Sei/China.  They're fucking quite traditionally in this picture, which doesn't really happen all too often in this set.  If I'd had a normal cowgirl picture, I would have used it, but I didn't, so oh well. 
The text here progresses differently from what I normally do.  It starts by continuing the story arc of Primrose and Aster, and then switches to guide content, and then moves to a sexual narrative.  Personally, I kind of wanted more sexual narrative, and less story arc, but that's not the way it turned out.  You know, I just start writing these, and then I get halfway through my character limit, and realize that I haven't actually talked about sex yet.  It's a big problem.

The third page is essentially the same picture as the second page, but from a different angle, and Rinko is involved.  Personally, I like this angle better, because there's less censorship.  Also, Sei's wang looks really small in the second page pic.  I mean, yeah, he's a little boy, but it kind of shoots some holes in my 'master seducer' storyline thing.  Kind of.  Not entirely.
The text here goes from guide, to sexual narrative, and is almost 50/50.  I like that, a lot.  This pamphlet is meant to be a guidebook for mothers with older (9-12) sons, but it's still being read by an audience of mostly men, who want sexual content.  Balancing those is difficult, because one of things that sets my work apart from the rest of the crowd is the emphasis on story.  Without that overarching storyline, these are essentially no different from the 1000 other caption sets out there. 
But again, I digress.  The point is, I feel like I struck a good balance here, between sex and story.  The actual sexual content, unfortunately, is a bit bland, or at least I think so.  Yes, it matches the picture, but that's probably why I find it to be bland.  I don't really go off the picture too much.  The rimjob expands the narrative, but not too much, and rimjobs are almost a cliche at this point, when it comes to my strapon play stories.  It's something I'll have to think about.  I did like the last line, though.  I feel like it was nicely worded, although I might end up taking out a comma or two in GIMP later. 


So, there's the Mommy Bubble Betrothal block.  Hopefully you guys liked it.  Next up is the Mommy Bubble Mistress Training block, which will focus on Rinko essentially training China to dominate Sei.  I have yet to write it, but I have prewritten.
The game is coming along quite well, I've gotten about 50-60% away from a Minimum Viable Product, which is where I'll release my initial demo for you guys.  Basically, I've gotten the linear intro done, and I've tossed the player out into the overworld, but I don't actually have anything populating the overworld, yet.  The systems are written, the content is not.  You'll see what I mean later.  

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