Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Mommy Bubble Mother/Mistress training and Outro Retrospective

So this is the rest of the Mommy Bubble pamphlet.  I decided to release it all in one shot this time, because I've got nothing but time on Wednesdays, and I figure there's no point in making you guys wait.


The first page features a picture that would be a bit odd, for the Lilians, I think.  It features China/Primrose in a particularly submissive position, both to Rinko/Jenni, and to Sei/Aster.  In fact, China/Primrose ends up being in a somewhat submissive position, both in pictures, and in text, over the overall pamphlet.  Yes, she's 'officially' the mistress, but I tried to write her as more of a placeholder/puppet for Jenni than a dominant woman.
The text here is almost all guide content, which is typical for new content blocks.  I have to introduce the overall concept of the block, and this is where I do it.  It's probably not the greatest style in the world, but it's what I end up doing.
The text starts out with storyline, talking about how Lilian marriages are the best thing ever, which was fun to write, although maybe it could have been put somewhere else, or shortened a bit.  The third paragraph gives more story about Aster, and his anal fixation, and then focuses on Primrose, and gives some info about the Bangkok Temple.  Again, there may have been somewhere better to put this information.  I ended up only spending one sentence on the sex, here.
It's always a challenge trying to balance the necessity for storyline, with the desire for a sexual narrative.  I'm not totally sure whether I did it correctly here, but since this is the block intro, I feel like it could be justified.

The second page features some particularly odd facial expressions on Rinko/Jenni and Sei/Aster.  It also features a somewhat extreme sexual act, fisting.  Now, realistically, look at Primrose's arm, and then look at the dildos that everyone's been fucking each other with.  There's not a huge size difference, but the visceral reaction of 'fist in ass' does make it seem like a more extreme practice.  I still used the picture, though.
The text here starts out with guide, but moves very quickly to narrative content.  It's almost like I'm trying to make up for the complete lack of narrative on the last page.  Again, we're focusing the text here on Jenni training Primrose to please her son, Aster.  There's no real discussion of what Aster's duties are.  Presumably, he would be a slave, and his duties would be to obey Primrose completely, but what we see here, is essentially, the two of them submitting to Jenni.
The narrative has a little bit of Yuri content, but I don't go into much detail, because I still don't really know how to write Yuri.  The Yuri ends, though, and is replaced by a narrative moves pretty fast, and doesn't go into a lot of detail.  The overall narrative is okay, I guess, but it does move quickly, and it's very dependent on the picture to make sense.  I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but that's the page.

The third page is actually the only one of the 3 possible ones that featured both of the characters.  The others zoomed in on one or the other.  Slightly annoying, but whatever.
The text is actually one big narrative, which is kind of rare for me.  It follows the same basic storyline as the last page, but with slightly more narrative buildup, and (I think) better written Yuri content.   When the narrative catches up to the picture, Jenni is extricated, and the sex ensues.  The narrative from that point on more or less just describes the picture, here, but I want to point out something.
Aster's totally topping from the bottom, and Primrose is very much indulging him.  Remember, she's written as never having played with a boy's ass before.  Now, it's reasonable to say that it just never really came up in Bangkok, but would it have not come up during their play time in Cebu City?  Or the other times that they visited each other?  Unfortunately, I didn't end up writing in that Primrose's mother is actually the High Priestess of the Bangkok Temple, although the importance of her mother might be implied, simply because Jenni is talking to her. 
What I'm getting at here, is the idea that Primrose is submitting to Aster's sexual desires, despite the fact that she's supposed to be the dominant one in the relationship.  If she'd wanted to fuck Aster up the ass, she would have done it during one of their many trysts.  It's not like anal play is new to him.  What's new, is his mother's influence and dominance in he and Primrose's relationship.  I'm not sure whether that little subplot/subtext came across as well as I wanted it to.  It's quite subtle, and I just spent like 2 paragraphs explaining it, so maybe it wasn't as clear as I wanted it to be, but hopefully you guys picked up on it.

The fourth page was actually supposed to be the fifth page, but when I started writing for what was supposed to be the picture for the fourth page, I realized that China/Primrose was pregnant in the picture.  It's quite subtle, but it is noticeable, if you're actually looking at the picture.  The fact that I didn't notice it before should tell you how much I actually look at these pictures.
Anyway, this picture is sort of designed to mirror some of the earlier ones, with Jenni, and represent the 'handover of power', from mother, to mistress.  I wish the picture was zoomed out a bit, but whatever.  You get what you get.
The text here has to do double duty, unfortunately.  It has to provide a conclusion to the story, while also providing a conclusion to some of the guide content.  I feel like I did an okay job with both.
The first part of the text gives a little buildup for the narrative, and leads into the guide content.  I feel like I transitioned between the two quite well, here.  The guide content more or less wraps things up, telling the mothers to stay out of their son and mistress' love life, but to still be available, as a bosom to cry into.  The narrative continues, and because Jenni's role in the narrative is so small (she isn't there), I can get away with a much shorter narrative.
The narrative basically amounts to a conclusion/handover, as Primrose finally (it's implied that this is the first time, hence calling the mother in to watch) masters the 'art' of strapon play, and gives her slave a prostate orgasm.  Of course, this is exactly the sort of 'pressure to perform' that Jenni was talking about before.  From what we can see, Aster comes across looking like a massive pillow princess, despite Jenni's claims to the contrary.  Sure, we see him licking Primrose once, but even then, he's still all about that dildo, and she's sucking him off, too.  Basically what I'm saying is, their relationship isn't looking particularly femdommy, at least if the sex is anything to go by.

The outro is fucking terrible.  I mean, I like the way that I wrote it, but the story is really depressing, at least to me.  Maybe I've just seen too many stories like that.  Basically the entire outro is her telling the horror story, or discussing it, and putting it in context for the wider Lilian audience.  I feel like it's a realistic outro, and a good outro, for what this pamphlet would be, but it's not particularly fun to read.  I went for realism here, and it definitely shows.  Hopefully the outro doesn't leave you guys with too bad of a taste in your mouth.


So what's next for the Lilian story?  Well, I'm still making the Joobachi prologue, so there's that.  I'll definitely need to make specialized content for that, so there will be some updates.  Plus, obviously, when I come out with a releasable product, I'll release it.  But beyond that, I don't have a lot left to say.
I know I'll be needing a 'shota masturbation set' type of thing, to work into a sort of 'Lilian prayer guide', but that's hardly /ss/, and the only real way that I can make it /ss/ is to add a ghostly figure masturbating alongside the shota in GIMP.  That's incredibly corny, and easy to fuck up.

I've also been throwing around the idea of using the old 90's era Juan Gotoh bro/sis set as a 'how to recruit your little brother' sort of thing, but I'm not totally sure, since I don't want to be repeating myself over and over again.  I might prewrite for it, and see whether it would be different enough from the Timid Boys guide to justify doing it, but don't expect too much.

The storybooks are on hiatus until I get better at storytelling.  I'll probably be doing a few, but I have to actually (re)learn to write in that style, first.  As I write for the Joobachi prologue, confidence in my writing abilities will improve, and I'll most likely start writing storybooks.  But again, I have no timeframe on that.

I'll be releasing the direct download for this later.  It'll be alongside a bunch of my other 'official' direct downloads.  I'm planning on assembling these into something that I can put on exhentai, so that they'll be preserved if I get run over by a bus, or something.  

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