Sunday, April 19, 2015

Chapter 58 Retrospective

2 days, motherfuckers.  It took me 2 days to write this whole thing.  Shit, I only wrote the outro today, so the vast majority of this pamphlet was written in a single day.  Now, it's only 4 pages in 8.5/11, and the poem takes up almost a full page, but still.  This is the quickest turnaround I've ever done, and I'm actually really happy with the end product.
For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to assume that the quick turnaround is evidence of my interest in Theology overall, and not evidence that I'm being demonically possessed to write the Femped Quran.  Considering that I've also written these little gems, I think it's fair to assume the former, rather than the latter. 

At any rate, it's a quick turnaround.

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The intro introduces a new character, Matilda Marzalek, High Priestess of the Eugene Temple in the early to mid 80's.  I haven't used her yet, and in fact, she didn't exist before I wrote this page, but I'll probably be using her a bit more in the future.
The intro page goes through the basic idea of the Chapter, and presents the idea that Lilith is actually in love with all of her male followers.  This idea has been tossed around before, but never in such a direct way.  I haven't really talked about the actual religion much, beyond a few little references here and there, and obviously, in the Chapter 17 pamphlet.
I also introduce the idea of differing theological interpretations of the Gospel.  This is something that I haven't really been able to touch on at all, and I'm glad that I was able to introduce these ideas here.  I imagine that some of the first schisms would come from the rituals that people work up, and the differences in ritual are what I focus on the most in this pamphlet.

The poem is the chapter, here.  I haven't actually written a real poem since High School, so I'm still not totally sure whether the poem presented is actually good, or not.  I posted it on 8chan, and someone said that the poem mixed old and new english, which is true, and that's probably not a good thing.
That said, the words that I chose were specifically chosen to be somewhat vague, and leave room for differing interpretations.  The 'spill your seed unto my visage' bit is the most confusing one, and I go into a couple of different interpretations when I get to that page.
I'm relatively happy with the poem on this page.  It was particularly difficult to actually get it onto one page, though.  The repeating line, "which of these bounties would you deny", is supposed to be repeated after every line, but I had to roll it into 2 verses, in order to display it in the correct resolution.  I think that I did an okay job, and I think that people get the picture, but it's still not perfect.

The picture for "My Beloved" was chosen to represent maternal love.  The artist, pinknoise, does love really well in his works, so I had a lot to choose from.  I decided to go with this picture, because it allowed me to save room for more text. 
The text here plays up the maternal aspects of Lilith, and presents the overall chapter as being a direct address to the male Lilians.  I like the little bit about "almost unconditional".  I feel like it characterizes Lilith a bit more, which is what this pamphlet is all about.  I also like that I was able to make callbacks to other chapters of the Gospel.
On a personal note, while I'd like to have an entire Gospel to work off of, I'm not planning on writing one.  I don't know whether L Ron Hubbard intended for Dianetics to be used as a religious text, but it's certainly being used in that way.  I'm not trying to create a religion, and I know how appealing this stuff can be.
It was written specifically to be appealing.  It combines the appeal of a loving, personal, deity, from those Fundamentalist Christians, with the sexual and maternal appeal of Goddess Worship, and tosses in the "People's War" appeal of Maoism.  It hits all the points that young men find appealing, and while it's a lot of fun to play with, and a lot of fun to write, I need to make sure that I don't take it too far.

The picture for "Picture Me" was chosen because it matched the paragraph, simple as that.  I do, however, really like the woman's expression, here.  I honestly couldn't have asked for a better set to work with.  Her hairstyle isn't quite what I envisioned for Lilith, but it works.  At the very least, I'm not using anything else, am I?
The text starts by going through the fantasy, expanding it a bit, and putting it into the perspective of the religious context.  The idea is that Lilith wants her devotees to read this verse, and think back to their own experiences. 
The text moves on, to discuss Lilith's words, and frame the verse as a metaphorical exploration of Lilith's love for her servants.  I especially like the use of the word "sheathes", here, although I wish I had used a better word than "pussy".  I also used the word "desire" a bit more than I would like.
One of the themes that I like, here, is the idea of the Lilian faith as more of a "give and take" sort of religion, a bit like Haitian Vodou, in that you pick a "God", give them sacrifices, and they, in turn, do things to help you.

The picture for "Which Bount" was chosen mostly at random, I needed a picture, but I wasn't sure what to use.  I wanted something that exuded dominance, but a loving type of dominance, and I wanted something depicting a scene that, while very loving and intimate, could end quickly, if the "wrong answer" was given.
I decided to phrase the text of the chapter in a more relaxed and informal way, both to give a nice contrast, and to establish this page as more of a 'discussion' page.  As a short aside, the phrase used, and how it is used, are pulled directly from the Quran.  Why reinvent the wheel, right?
The text here was pulled, word for word, at times, from Razia Najafi's explanation of the meaning of the phrase as it was used in the Quran.  I made a few adjustments, of course, sexed it up a bit, but the overall ideas are the same.

The picture for "You On" was chosen to match the paragraph.  It's nowhere near my favorite picture, or even my favorite blowjob picture, but it matched the paragraph, so I used it.
Personally, I feel like this is the weakest of the pages in this pamphlet.  The picture isn't that great, and the text goes off in a direction that isn't particularly sexy.  It was written to provide an example of the mental gymnastics that the Lilians will pull whenever they run across something that doesn't exactly jive with their preexisting beliefs.
The idea presented isn't necessarily wrong, but it is an unorthodox interpretation of blowjobs, intended to square this verse with the female dominant nature of the rest of the Gospel.  I do like, though, the line "Of course not, but here's why".  It's almost as if the writer is saying, "how dare you question Our Goddess' consistency?!  I'll do you a favor by explaining it, but it's more than you deserve!"
It was a bit difficult to actually present this idea without getting unnecessarily gory, and ruining the mood.  I'm not totally sure that I pulled it off, but hopefully I did.  I tried to "bring it back" again at the end, but I ran out of space.  In retrospect, I probably could have made the picture a lot smaller, here.  This verse deserved much better than what I gave it.

EDIT : I changed the picture, added in new content, and I'm much happier with the result.  The old picture, that I'm discussing, can be found here.

The picture for "Curled Up" was chosen to match the paragraph.  There was a closeup that I edited out, in order to provide more space for the text, which I felt was required, to get the readers back in the mood, after all that salty talk about biting off dicks, and whatnot.
The text discusses the maternal aspects of Lilith, but also discusses the idea that she views her followers as children, and her, as their mother.  I also make a little callback to the guardian spirits that I talked about in the Chapter 17 pamphlet.  The text brings forth the idea that all Lilians should consider themselves to be children in the context of their worship of Lilith, which, I imagine, would be very nice for older Lilian men, who miss the freewheeling days of their youth.
I like the line, "in need of her lap, and in need of her breast".  I think it flows well, and invokes positive mental images.
The text continues along the theme of Lilians being the children of their Goddess, framing the 'milk' as a metaphor for the Gospel, which, by the way, was unplanned, but worked really well.  There are a lot of really nice mental images in this page.  The bit about 'heavy eyelids, and a tummy full of milk' is especially nice.
The necessity for loyalty is, again, stressed, since it's one of the main themes of the chapter, overall.

The picture for "My Voice" was originally just going to be the boy fapping, but I added the woman in for a few reasons.  (A) Nobody wants to look at a picture of a boy jerking off alone in his room (B) The idea of mutual masturbation with a Goddess is appealing (C) The picture of the boy was too small and had a crappy resolution
The text goes in a slightly odd direction, here, but I like the way that it came out.  Now, realistically, most of my audience doesn't want to hear about kids beating off in their rooms.  Even if I ritualize the shit out of it, it's still me talking about kids beating off.  Even if it were incredibly appealing, there's still only so much you can say, and I say a lot of it in the "I Deny" page. 
So I go in a different direction, and take things into pretty esoteric territory.  I go back to the idea of who and what Lilith actually is, which, considering that this is supposed to be a text of religious scholarship, is probably realistic.  I liked the phrase "as real in their hearts as it is in her domain".  It was originally just "real in their hearts", but that implies that Lilith isn't actually real.  I feel like it was a good change.  I wish that I had been able to add more about how Lilith masturbates to her followers, but I ran out of space, and it might be better as just an implication, and a question.

The picture for "Spill Seed" was really, really, difficult to make.  The artist, bless his heart, draws with a lot of empty space, and soft lines, which I like, but those soft lines are incredibly difficult to use the fill tool on.  I decided early on that I would be filling in the tan lines on my "Lilith", here, to make her brown skinned.
This made her nipples "pop" less, which is unfortunate, but I liked the brown skin look, and in my headcanon, Lilith is a dark skinned lady, with white hair.  I actually had to go in with the lasso tool, and manually do an outline of her breasts, without going into the cum.  It was tough, and time consuming, but I like the way that it came out.  I wish that there was a better picture of the woman getting bukkake'd, but oh well.  You get what you get, if you're not commissioning.
The text here is another one that goes in an interesting direction.  I start out by bringing forth the idea that Lilians don't like getting creamed on.  The general consensus, as far as I can tell, is that people consider facials and bukkake to be a more submissive act.  Now, the Lilians are a female dominant culture, so there would definitely be an issue there.  I decided to take the text in that direction, first.
The overall page goes through a lot of mental gymnastics to get to the idea that bukkake, while perhaps not super female dominant, is at least "empowering".  This is an idea that sometimes comes up in the general sex-positive feminist idea mill, and it's one that I had a lot of fun playing with.
Eventually, though, I had to bring it back to the Gospel text, itself, which, unfortunately, wasn't done with as much actual content as I would like, but I feel like the point was made.  The page's text references ideas that haven't really been explored, and references possible 'alternate interpretations' and rituals coming from those interpretations.  The 'shutdowns' of those interpretations are done in question form, kind of like how 9/11 truthers will ask, "can jet fuel melt steel", instead of saying, "Jews did WTC", or whatever it is that they say.  I think that the 'question' approach is much more diplomatic, and realistic.

The "I Deny" picture was simply one that I liked.  There's no real explicit sexual content in it, but I don't feel like that detracts from its appeal, any.  It's a nice picture, so I used it.
The text is organized like the other 'single line' pages, and presents a lot of information.  The bit about saying the line out loud is pulled directly from the discussion on the Quranic sura that the content is pulled from.  You're actually supposed to answer the question "Which of these bounties would you deny", as you read the sura, although the answer isn't actually in the sura itself.  It's totally Biddah, but people still do it.
The rest of the text mostly centers around saying that line in a way that pleases Lilith, and masturbating in a way that pleases Lilith.  It sort of reaffirms the idea that there is a ritual attached to this whole thing, and wraps up the chapter text quite nicely, I think, along with introducing the ritual discussion.  This page is a bit of a bridge to the next page, and a conclusion to the chapter discussion.
Just like a masturbation session (hopefully) ends with an orgasm, the chapter discussion ends with some 'orgasmic etiquette'.  I'm not sure how erotic it is, but it certainly expands the Lilian idea, and lends a bit of realism to the whole pamphlet.
As a short aside, this page was originally written as if it was being directed to a boy reading, and when I realized that the rest of the pamphlet was written to a woman, I had to go through and change all of the pronouns.  Hopefully I didn't make this page sound all wonky in the process.

The outro page pulls pictures from a completely different set, from the same artists, but obviously, it's in color, and features different characters.  This was done so that I wouldn't have to use the lasso tool again.  Because these are in color, though, I decided to make this page be the outro, and forgo writing a separate outro page.  These pictures were chosen to represent the different types of rituals described in the page.
The outro text is where I finally start discussing the rituals.  I had wanted to do it earlier, but never really found any space to do so.
After a relatively short intro/history lesson, the text describes a number of different rituals that were created for this chapter.  I really, really, really wish that I had been able to expand upon these rituals more, and in retrospect, maybe I should have devoted a couple of pages to discussing the different rituals, instead of just lumping them all in together, but oh well.  Maybe I'll do a 'Lilian Rituals' booklet, one of these days.  Maybe I'll just retcon some rituals in later, and scrap this page.  I'll have to think about it.
After describing the different rituals, the text segues into the page's main point, by way of a callback to "Mother Sophia", telling her flock that the sexiest ritual is the correct one.  The text then seeks to reconcile the different rituals, by framing them as entertainment for Lilith's enjoyment.
This is a total cop-out, but it does present a very interesting idea, especially when contrasted with the Jehovan ideas of God being faraway, and in need of nothing from us.  Sure, we can please God, but it makes no real difference whether we do, or not.  Gods will is what happens.  Not so, with Lilith.  This goes back to the give and take Vodou idea that I presented earlier, and I feel like it adds a very interesting facet to the Lilian idea.

The pamphlet ends with a call for unity, and a very, very, extremely, Maoist quote.  Sexed up, of course.

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Funny story, that retrospective was actually 200 characters longer than the pamphlet, itself.  I suppose if you added in the full poem, it would probably be the same size, but still, these retrospectives are looooooong.  I enjoy writing them, though, and they really do help me to grow as a writer, and get my thoughts in order.  The forum posts do the same thing.
So if you've ever looked at my posts, and asked yourself, "why the fuck does this dude write so much?"  It's because I like writing, and writing about your writing, actually helps you to write better.

Anyway, nothing has changed since my last blog posts, aside from this particular pamphlet being done.  So if you're looking for updates, look there. 

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