Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Mommy Bubble 80's Skin/Bath Block Retrospective

So I've gotten exactly 0 feedback from you guys.  The pageviews are abnormally high, though, so I'll assume that's positive. 


The first page picture is actually 2 pictures.  The way pinknoise does his (her?) art, is unique, in that it's usually a couple of totally individual pictures, arranged in a way that makes sense.  This is good for me, because it means that I can pull a picture from one file, and use it alongside a completely unrelated page.  Now, I didn't do that in this case, but I might later. 
The narrative text here isn't exactly perfect for the pictures, but in the end, it's decent content.  I feel like the text humanizes the mother, a bit more, and gives a bit of information about what the Lilians think a woman should look like.  I wish I'd put a bit more in there about how the son thinks his mother is beautiful, rather than just liking the way that she feels.
The guide text is pretty much just anti-jehovan fluff.  Not much to say about it. 

The second page picture actually comes from the end of the christmas set, and is used as is.  The last page was supposed to be a sort of intro or leadup to this page. 
The narrative text sets this picture on the boy's 10th birthday.  I actually went back and retconned some of the other pages, to lower the ages, and make this work.  So yes, the numbers do make sense.  At least, they do now. 
The narrative is another lead-up.  I'm pretty much just setting up the scene for the next couple of pages, where the really fun stuff takes place.  I noticed a bit too late, that the meal they're eating is 100% not Namibian, so I just had him be a weeaboo.  Overall, there still isn't much to say about the narrative.  It's a lead-up.
The guide content is a bit of a departure, but I don't think it's too bad.  I put in a little bit of content about lesbian (or male, I guess) non-lilian partners, which is something that I haven't really gone into, much.  I guess I'll put that in the list of things that I can write about. 

The third page picture is a very nice one.  Of course, this Namibian family has a traditionally Japanese bathroom, but wutevs.  I really like the way pinknoise drew the mother, here.  She always looks so happy, the boy too.  Why can't other hentai artists make their people happy? 
The narrative text is the big draw of this page.  It's what I worked the hardest on, at least.  Let's start at the beginning.  First off, she bathes in her son's used bathwater (maybe?)  Also, she stopped bathing with him for a couple of years.  I imagine she'd stop around 6, and then pick it up again at 10.  Also, she hasn't fucked since her baby was born.  Or at least, she hasn't fucked much.  I like the little fantasy that I was able to toss in. 
The guide content was actually supposed to end at "future indiscretions", but it ended up being too short, so I added the last part.  I still feel like I'm not taking advantage of the guide content.  I feel like it could be more sexy.

The fourth page picture is actually the first really sexual one in the pamphlet.  It's the 7th page, overall, so I feel like I'm getting to the sex a bit quicker than I did in the Timid Boys pamphlet.  Of course, I don't have to explain how to grab some kid off the street, either.  The picture here, is pretty neat, in that it's very symmetrical. 
The narrative is totally sexual, which is nice.  I think most of the pages from here on out will be sexual, in some fashion.  I may have used too many embellishments in this one, but wutevs.  I'm never sure whether to use "coming" or "cumming". I feel like "coming" looks better, kind of like how "doxing" looks better than "doxxing", but who knows?  Overall, it's a relatively decent narrative.  Follows the picture, has a firm beginning, middle, and end, and even has a bit of an epilogue, in her teaching him about orgasms. 
The guide content, again, just expands on the narrative.  I like that I was able to incorporate a little fantasy into the guide content, although I did overuse the word "bit".  Decent guide, though.

The narrative/guide ratio, for these, by the way, is actually about 50/50.  Maybe 55/45, at most.  As long as I keep the "height 300" format, the ratio will continue to be the same.  It's about 700 characters for each. Personally, I'd prefer more narrative than guide, but that's not the way these resolutions work.  Maybe I'll just try to incorporate more fantasies into the guide content, like I did with the last page.  We'll see.


Next up is the "showing skin/masturbation" block, which is just what it sounds like.  I'll be continuing the story in a linear fashion, with the mother wearing skimpier clothes around her son, and her son running off to fap.  I'll be working the "undie exchange" stuff into it, as well. 

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