Monday, September 14, 2015

Mennonite Madness City Bus Flashing/Handjob Retrospective

Thanks to everyone who commented on the blog.  It's good to know that the dual narratives are working out for you guys.  It's always a bit nerve wracking writing new things, especially when you've seen so many people try and fail.


The first page picture was kind of a bitch to make, I had to copy/paste the boy's head, and then clean up some arm lines, and I think I also had to copy/paste his undies, to get a pic where he's in his undies, but also looking at Honey, who is fully topless.  I kind of wish he were looking at Platinum, just for the sake of the story, but whatever.
The text is getting easier to write, but actually, last week, I realized something.  These are like 1800-2000 characters each.  That's way more than I usually write, and that's probably contributing to the perceived difficulty of writing these. 
Anyway, bonus points if you know who wrote "There's a Power in a Union".   I dreamed I saw him last night, alive as you and me. 
I like that I was able to give Honey's words a bit of a predatory slant, with the bunny, and the teeth.  I kind of wish she'd been the one wearing leopard print, but oh well.  Also, maybe I should have gone with a lamb motif, since he's christian, and said fangs instead of teeth, to have more of a snake thing going on.  Alas, missed opportunities.  Platinum is in top form here, with the maternalism.  There's a bit of a reminder that Marcus has multiple mothers, and Platinum plays on it, with some fantasies of her own, which suggest that she's a bit more bisexual, than Honey.
More religious, too, with her comments about the door being cracked open as a type of small Lilian miracle.  The way she sees it, a Lilian spirit gave Marcus the opportunity to peep in on his mothers, so that he would get a taste for it, and peek up their skirts on the bus, which is what sets off this entire sexcapade.  Just a bit of characterization.

The second page picture is just the standard one, not much to discuss.  I kind of wish you'd been able to see more nip, but hey, we get what we get.  I like Honey's expression, though.  It kind of makes her seem a bit more dominant.
The text here sort of establishes that they're supposed to be going to a meeting with the slaves, to hammer out some sort of payment deal, with them.  That will come up again later, but it's good to kind of allude to it here.  Their actual jobs should be a bit of a side story, I think.
Again, Platinum shows her religious dogma here.  Not only does she keep a masturbation guide for boys in her purse at all times, she also considers her first job, to be "rescuing the innocent from the lies of Jehovah".  I managed to avoid any sort of "then she said..." stuff, by just having Honey say that she's just quoting the manual.  I don't really have enough characters to have them start giving a play by play of what they said.
Again, we get the message that Honey is pretty much just playing along with Platinum's game, here, but she still wants to show the boy a good time, so she stops with the religious stuff, and starts seducing him into the religion, itself.  Of course, this directly leads to the two of them taking him back to the Union-Hall/Temple, for further indoctrination.  Also, "savor the flavor".  I almost wrote "savor the flavor of my labor", but I felt like it didn't flow well enough.


So next up is Mommy Bubble 80's School/Work block.  Yes, I know some of you are tired of Mommy Bubble 80's, we're literally like less than a week from being done with it, though.   On Friday, the girls will take Marcus to the Union-Hall/Temple, to start sealing the deal on his conversion. 

At some point in the next week, I'll (probably) be posting a new prewrite, for what I'm planning on doing to replace Mommy Bubble 80's.  It's another PinkNoise, and those of you who are interested in the Lilian faith, as a faith, should enjoy it. 

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